~ Abandon Yourself to Grace ~
~*~ Day 1 ~*~
- The number of times I give myself the space to berate myself is astounding. Though I stopped hating myself a number of years ago, it becomes clear now that I am not a friend to me.
- If I were to talk to my friends as I talk to myself, I would have no friends. If I were to talk to my children as I talk to myself, they would be crushed in next to no time. If I spoke to my husband as I spoke to myself, we would've been divorced long ago. I am so very grateful God has guarded my heart towards others - especially towards Tim and the kids. However, it's also come clear to me that as menopause kicks in, the attitude I hold towards myself is being turned towards Tim. How much longer, I wonder, would it have been - if God had not rescued me at this point - before I condemned Tim for everything he does or does not do? How long after that would my children have started to feel my sharp tongue? I am so grateful that God said "Abandon yourself to grace", for now I know that not only has He rescued me from further misery, He has rescued my family from it, also - and that before it happened. Oh, how grateful I am for His voice and for His Holy Spirit enabling me to hear it. Oh, how I thank Him for grace!
- I can look back over my life more clearly now, and see that my life is a story of grace. God's grace, covering me every step of the way. I find that very encouraging, indeed.
- I have peace tonight. :) I go to be with peace. Not with anxiety. Not with guilt. Not with any condemnation, whatsoever. It's strange, really. I know God's not about condemnation - for condemnation drags a soul down, whereas conviction brought on by the Holy Spirit sets free - yet, I gladly took it on. I opened myself to condemnation every hour of every day. No wonder I woke every morning feeling miserable... The peace that has risen up in my soul, today, feels so much better! :D Life feels so much better because of the peace given me in the midst of grace. :) Thank You, God. X
Picture is of an actual cloud. Hubby called me out back to look at the clouds, and I grabbed my camera and went out. Within seconds this face started to rise.
I snapped a few photos and it altered. God's timing is perfect, is it not. :)
That's not to say I went about willingly sinning. I want to be a better person. I want to be someone I can live with. Free-falling into sin isn't my objective. Free-falling into grace, into a greater freedom In Christ, into a greater depth and awareness of God's love, into a 'better me', while knowing I'm never gonna make it without Him, is. I accepted grace trusting God will make all things right. This opens my heart to God, therefore enabling me to hear and feel the promptings and leadings of the Holy Spirit. I was pushing into God by accepting grace, not turning from Him. I was taking in a greater measure of love, not hardening my heart to Him.
When you know who God is, how great His love is, your desire isn't to sin against Him. Would a bride willingly sin against her husband on their wedding night, by being unfaithful to him with another? If she truly loves him, she would not. No matter how much grace she is given. So it is with us and God. He woos us, He wins us, He reveals His love to us and we open our heart up to Him, becoming His. We 'fall in love' with Him, and, upon doing so, our desire is not to sin against Him. We delight in pleasing Him.
By being obedient to God, by abandoning myself to grace, as He led me to, I am pleasing Him, not sinning against Him.
And now I have a greater measure of peace and a greater awareness of God's love.
Faith has risen. Hope has risen. Joy has come.
God is good! :)
It takes time for you to trust His love, perhaps, but, God has plenty of that up His sleeve. :) And He knows you like no one else does. He will work to free and delight your heart, not damn it, not condemn it, and He will use an endless flow of grace to do it. :)
New International Version - UK (NIVUK)
7 Therefore Jesus said again,
'Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep.
8 All who have come before me are thieves and robbers,
but the sheep have not listened to them.
9 I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.
They will come in and go out, and find pasture.
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.