~*~ You are Beautiful ~*~
It turned out to be an adjective, and one I would never use to describe myself. A nice adjective, mind. ;) Not a harsh or negative one. :)
I actually shuddered over seeing how God saw me, and I really didn't want to accept it. It opposed how I saw myself and how this world has left me feeling many times during the course of my life.
Huh... I just realised, the false identity convinced me I was the exact opposite of how God saw me... :)
The other night, after God 'broke me out' of a false identity, I was sitting on my lounge and suddenly remembered that 'adjective', and I smiled as I opened my heart to it for the first time. As soon as I accepted it, and said, "God, I feel 'that way' now," I sensed the Holy Spirit reply, "Now I can start bringing that out of you." In other words, now God is free to rid me of my old identity and renew my character and heart as He sees me.
Time for new growth. Yay! :D
Thinking about that today, I realised I was feeling 'the adjective' rising up from within me.
Ok, fine. I'll tell ya what it is, even though it makes me sound vain and that's not where I'm coming from. Beautiful. He called me Beautiful. I'm not beautiful - not to look at, and, God knows, my character hasn't always reflected that, either. BUT, I'm not here to build my identity on my ego - be it strong or weak, but on how God views me. And that is how He, my Father, said He views me.
It's kind of like a bride on her wedding day. She doesn't feel beautiful because she's vain or because she thinks she looks good, but because 'he' loves her.
Anyway...today, I was feeling it. Not looking it, as I wandered around the house in my tracksuit pants and no make-up on; but feeling it.
I'm working on a novel at the moment, and, in it, one of the women has a "Cinderella" type of experience. She's wearing the most stunning gown she's ever seen and, because of it, she feels beautiful. She's not looking in the mirror saying, "Hey, check me out! I'm hot!" ;) Rather, she's standing in front of the mirror, looking at her reflection through the eyes of someone who has never thought herself worthy of love, and she is humbled by how the gown makes her feel. That's how I felt and feel. I felt like God had removed my old rags and given me a new robe. It felt great to be wearing it.
New King James Version (NKJV)
9 After these things I looked, and behold,
a great multitude which no one could number,
of all nations, tribes, peoples, and tongues,
standing before the throne and before the Lamb,
clothed with white robes, with palm branches in their hands,
10 and crying out with a loud voice, saying,
“Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!”
In believing what the false identity described me as, the feelings born of it moved over me from the head and shoulders down, moving down over me like a dark shadow. It made me want to cower.
In accepting God's view of me, when I start to feel what He says, the feeling rises up from deep within; like a well (of life?) filling up with (living?) water... It makes me feel good about myself, about God, and about life.
The first made me feel heavy. The latter makes me feel alive and hopeful and, dare I say it, beautiful. Jesus makes me feel beautiful.
I'm actually finding it easier to trust that there is still hope for this aging heart of mine. :) I now feel, believe and see that God is renewing my heart in order to beautify it, whereas I used to doubt that would or could ever happen. I feel hopeful. And relaxed, ay. Whereas once I stressed over not being good enough, and stressed over being incapable of breaking free of 'me' in order to become more Christlike, I now feel, see and believe striving for such things is futile, because JESUS! :) Enough said, really. ;)
Jesus makes all things new. He heals, and beautifies, and so on and so forth. He started the work and He'll complete it. I just have to lay back, relax and enjoy the ride. :) Kind of like a 'day' at the beauty parlour, really. ;)
New King James Version (NKJV)
3 I thank my God upon every remembrance of you,
4 always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy,
5 for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now,
6 being confident of this very thing,
that He who has begun a good work in you
will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;
If you're still waiting to find out how God sees you, find the negatives words spoken over you, the ones you've adopted into your heart, that bring you down and make you feel as though you'll never be good enough. The ones that make you want to shrink into oblivion. You know, the ones the world has thrown at you through one form of abuse or another. Then view the exact opposite. There, in the truth that opposes the lies, you will see who you are, where God is, and how He views you... Then fall into His arms and ask Him to help you believe and feel it...as He desires to - because He loves you... :)