But that's what I want to do. I want you to know of the love I share with God. I want you to know how greatly I love Him, and how deeply He loves me. And I don't want to share this to say, 'ha ha, look what I've got!', but to let you know this great love I've been given and hold is free for all of us, from God, in God, with God, if we'd just open our hearts to Him and let it in.
When I cried out to God for help, 22 years ago, I was at the point of wanting to suicide. I didn't want to live in a world without love anymore. But I couldn't leave this world because I had a young daughter, whom I entrusted to know one and couldn't take with me. I had to stay. So I cried out, 'God, if you're there, I've had enough of this BS. Help.' Long story short (which I've written about elsewhere and will have to show here again when I edit 'My Testimony'), He helped me. He rescued me from that gutter that was my life. First, He knelt down beside me in that gutter, hugged me to Himself and let me cry until I was ready to stand again. He then picked me up, dusted me off, and set me back on my feet, taking this single mum of one and planting her in a church family and a new family that is now the "Keevers and Driver" family (me, hubby, and our 6 kids) which you can see 'here' on my Facebook page.
Starting that day, God took me along a path that enabled me to accept His love. He used many things to reveal His heart to me. Revelation. Answered prayer. Loved ones. He healed my broken heart. He released me from wounds of old. He gave me reason to live and the ability to love and trust again. And through it all, He revealed His heart and the love, mercy and grace it holds for me - and for all of us.
There were trials in the real world, sure. Reality doesn't stop just because you become a Christian. But the foundation of my love and life was and is God, and therefore all was worked out for good. But somewhere along the line I took my eyes from Him. I knew He was still with me, I didn't doubt that He loved me, but I got lazy in my relationship with Him, I sinned and therefore withdrew from Him, and allowed my eye and heart to wander from Him.
In all my wandering, He never left me. He never stopped loving me. I knew it. I could sense it. Although I couldn't hear His voice as clearly in my heart as I used to, I knew that was of me walking away not of His doing, and I knew I was still covered by His mercy and His grace. He had pursued me when I was younger, and He was with me now. That hadn't changed. He hadn't changed. However, I wasn't loving Him as intimately or as completely as I used to. But there came a time, not long ago, where, with all my heart, I wanted it back. So, a few weeks ago, I started praying, "God, win me back."
I wanted Him to pursue me again. I wanted to feel His presence and His love. I wanted Him to hold me. But, try as I might, in my own strength, I just couldn't get up and get going again in my relationship with Him. I've been out of church for a while and had no desire to attend one. The Bible wasn't speaking to me so I struggled to open it. And, basically, I was still lazy. So, as far as I could see, that prayer was my only hope; the lifeline I needed to get back to Him: "God, help me." "God, you do it." "God, win me back."
And you know what His response to such a prayer was? Yep, you got it: He pursued me and won my heart, again. :)
He did it. He found ways to win back my heart. He found ways to turn my eye back to Him. He found ways to turn all of me back to Him. And now I can say, with a heart full to overflowing with joy, God has won me back.
I adore Him. I do. I love God. He is beautiful. He IS the lover of my soul. He has loved me like no other. I love Him as I love no other. We are one. And I am in awe. I opened my heart and He filled it.
"Ask, and it will be given to you;
Seek, and you will find;
Knock, and it will be opened to you."