I've carried fear with me for a long time. I've dreaded the thought of sending my kids out into the real world. But I don't believe a Christian should carry fear. Fear is, after all, the opposite to faith, is it not?
I kept telling myself, "I do have faith in God, but faith says God will make all things right, it doesn't say we won't suffer, while we're here on earth..." and, while I still believe that, peace never came.
I couldn't figure out why I had so much fear when I'd been healed of my pre-Christian days; of my past. I couldn't see why, after being emotionally detached from the pains of the past, fear would remain. I journeyed off into the past, trying to find the answer, but none ever came.
Long story short - and, again, to protect those I love...especially as it wasn't their fault - after finding nothing in my past that was attached to the fear, I all but nagged God for an answer - just this week, and which I should've done in the beginning :) - while realising that I should be free. If Christ died to set me free of sin and death, and if it was for freedom He set us free, then I should be free! I WAS NOT FREE!!! And I'd had enough! I don't want to live with fear anymore. I hate it with a passion.
Then, while nagging ;), and whining, and growing angry over my lack of freedom in this area, ;) , I thought back to my younger years, to my 'pub' days, and recalled how I never feared going to pubs, or even one-night stands, (sorry, but, that's part of my history; and it's ok, God already knows... ;) ), and I realised the fears I have now did not come prior to my conversion, but after it...and that not from God. Then my eyes were opened and I realised where the fear was coming from, and I realised the fear was not mine. I was carrying someone else's fear as though it was mine.
Somehow, you may be carrying someone else's fear. When I saw this in my life yesterday, the truth came to set me free. The fear left me.
I was wrestling with someone else's burden. I was seeking healing for 'my' burden. But it wasn't mine to carry or hold or own in the first place.
Chances are, you were born to be strong. You are strong. You are brave. You are capable. But somewhere along the course of your life, you may have got it into your head, as I had, you had to be 'less' than every authority figure you know. Chances are, if you held that lie, you also held onto the belief that you had to live in everyone's shadow.
From a very young age, I developed the desire to be less in order to be accepted by those in authority. I know it doesn't make sense to many, but to those who have experienced it, it will. I was knocked down, and mocked a lot when I was a kid, so I somehow came to believe that if stayed down, if I stayed in 'their' shadow, if I never grew to be bigger or better than 'them', then they will love me; then they will accept me. At the same time, with 'them', and in relationships, I wanted them to be more so I could stand up and be more. (Wrong of me, I know...but there it is.)
I brought that belief system with me into adulthood, and into my Christian walk. Yesterday, upon seeing all of the above, I let that go, knowing I can be all God created me to be; all that I am. I was waiting for 'that person' to grow so I could. I was hiding in their shadow. I was carrying their burdens as my own. I was a prisoner of someone else's fear. But not anymore. Now I can help them. I can help comfort and relieve them of worry, rather than trying to force them out into what it is that frightens them in order to let me out, too.
I hope that makes sense.
In Matthew 7:7-12. Jesus said:
7 ‘Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
9 ‘Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
First, I realised I don't need a hero. Upon seeing that, I came to realise that, if they aren't my hero, then I don't have to carry their negativity. Upon refusing to take on their negativity again, I found the strength to be me; to rise up in the Light and stand tall and strong - and that without looking for a hero. In becoming stubborn in this ;), I was ushered to the next step, of damning the fear that had been placed upon me. Only in standing strong in not wanting someone to rescue me and protect me and put me safely back in their shadow as I took this stand against negativity, was I alert enough, and strong enough, to walk free of fear.
You see, I somehow got it into my head that I needed a hero. Whether that was to do with childhood fantasies or what, I don't know, but I know now that I don't need a human hero. I need me and all the abilities and capabilities and strength God placed in me upon creating me. And I need Jesus who did die to set me free. I need the Holy Spirit, who still works to set me free in whatever areas I need setting free in. And I need God, whom I love, and who loves me even when I'm not getting this faith thing right. :) And I need the truth they bring: The truth that sets us free.
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.