I mean, back when I started, I wrote on Myspace (as Donna D), and, at the time, with the layout as it was, it was a great place to write - to blog; to share my heart; to share the part of God's heart that He has shared with me. The atmosphere was ideal for it. And the friends I made there were great and supportive. But then Myspace changed and nearly everyone went to Facebook, so, eventually I went there, too, but I never found the atmosphere on Facebook that I needed in order to write. It felt like the wrong platform, so to speak. So, I found myself a website... but it's lonely, here, ay.
Weebly has, I've found, [nearly] everything I need for my blogs, but there's no interaction with other sites, or people, as there was on social sites. But, I kept writing... Mind you, with the lack of interaction, it's easy not to keep writing. I'm free to slack off whenever I want. I don't have to be here every day, and even if I'm working on a whole section dedicated to one book of the Bible, or one subject, I don't have to do it ritually because, as far as I know, no one's reading it anyway.
Well...actually, Weebly does show me my stats. It tells me how many people visit my page and how many pages have been viewed. However, I don't know who they/you are. No one "likes"; No one comments. That fact, twisted with my insecurities, tells me that people stumble on my page by accident, while Googling 'something'... so, my efforts, as far as I know, are in vain.
However, every time I go back to God, whining, "Why am I doing this?" He gives me an answer: "For that one..." "If only for one..." "People come to drink from your cup of hope..." so on and so forth, but, seriously, being a loner, being a writer, being a blogger on a site where no one says hello, can often draw me back to the 'why bother?' question.
I was recently discussing this with someone over coffee. Personally, I felt inspired and hoped I'd somehow inspired them...but, as it often, and usually, happens when you 'mentor' someone - or so I've found; it could be just me (that would explain why 'you' don't let me know that you called by my site, lol) - afterwards, I get messages of 'woe is me' and I figure, "why do I bother?' and, "Holy Spirit, where were you in all this????" and other thoughts, and then I'm left disheartened again. I shouldn't expect anything, I know, and just accept what takes place, but, it really makes going out for that next cuppa hard work, and leaves me wondering what good I am to anyone who seems to be hurting when, as soon as I walk away, they're messaging me to let me know how hopeless their situation is?
Sorry; I don't mean to nag or whine... It just gets to me. It breaks my heart and leaves me feeling more than a little useless. The image I get is of helping someone into a boat, so they don't drown, then as soon as I start rowing back to shore they jump out of the boat and cry out to me for help because they're drowning... I don't want them to drown; but they don't seem to really want the help I have to give. Yet, it's me they call out to again... :/ Go figure...
Some of the thoughts that come to me a lot lately are, "God, I don't see the fruit of what I do. Are you sure I need to be doing this? Wouldn't I be better off putting my time to something else?" and so on... Well, that happened to me again today. I wasn't angry with the person - in fact, I should've seen it coming, so it's my fault for putting hope and faith in man rather than in God, but it did leave me more than a little deflated. "Why did I row out here, again? I obviously can't help them..." And it had me saying, "God, more proof for you: There is no fruit in what I do. I think I'll keep my 'cup of hope' to myself from now on..." and I wanted to leave it at that. But then, both God and I knew I wouldn't just stop doing what I do, just like that. And I chewed over such thoughts a bit longer.
Then, as I thought, "If I did what I do with the hope of seeing fruit--" which I must've been trying to do! "--rather than doing it for love, then I wouldn't do it..." it came to me that 'the fruit' starts with the planting of the seed; the dead seed needs to be buried in the ground, where it 'hides' in the dark, where no eye sees it, where it needs to be watered and so on, where it will eventually take root, then slowly grow until it sprouts; from a sprout it will grow, through many seasons, until it is fully matured, and then, when the plant is fully mature it will produce fruit. Fruit I may never get to observe or eat.
Me, I want to plant the seed and see the fruit. But it ain't gonna happen. Not like "THAT!" anyway... And that's why I'm here: Offering YOU hope for the seeds you sow. Don't give up. First the planting, then the growth, and so on...and, in its time, the fruit...
Please, if you're out there mentoring someone, planting seeds, sharing the good news of God, doing whatever it is HE called you to do, planting the seeds HE (and not man, or ego) placed in your hands and heart, then be encouraged. Don't give up doing good. First the planting, then the watering and the growth - through many seasons - then the fruit will grow when the 'tree' is mature enough to handle it. You may not eat it, or even see it, but God will; others will. Who knows what little girl, homeless man, or broken heart is being reached right now, who is eating of the fruit from a 'tree' you once mentored; from a tree you planted...
Don't give up. The world needs you. They need the heart you have, and the heart that touched yours: His heart. God's heart. God's love... God... Don't give up... Be His heart to a hurting world.
‘I am the vine; you are the branches.
If you remain in me and I in you,
you will bear much fruit;
apart from me you can do nothing.'
Ya may wanna check the seeds you're holding in your heart... The Holy Spirit can help you sort them into their rightful place.
OOH! I just had another revelation re fruit!!! I'll be back very soon with part two of this blog!! :)
This was it: "F is for Fruit #2"