~ Joy Comes in the Morning ~
Today brought forth a greater awareness of God moving and working in my life and heart. Hope has been planted in my heart. Joy has been spilled into my soul this day. Peace wraps me with a warmth one seeks on an autumn day... *sigh*
Yep, it's been a good day... :)
Is everything perfect? No. But it's improving - and that is a great thing, because I see God's fingerprints on my heart, and my life. Besides, I don't expect perfection in this world, even though I do desire the peace that goes beyond all understanding, no matter what circumstances declare.
Speaking of the prints God leaves in our lives: I was sharing all this and more with Tim today, and shared how lately I have been struggling to 'join the dots', as it were, on how God has been moving through my life. You see, I want to rattle off with ease where He's been and what He's been doing, but each time I try to I feel as though I am simply confusing everyone in the process. The image I had on telling Tim this was of me running from 'dot' to 'dot' with a piece of rope, trying to join them together for everyone to see where God's been, but doing nothing more than tying everything up in knots. As I shared that image, another popped into my head, which swiftly flowed down deep into my heart and left me feeling even more hope, more joy, more peace, and more loved by God. That image was of each 'dot' being a dance step rather than a 'points' system. Meaning, while I prefer the steps God sets before me to look something like this "_ _ _ _ _", He prefers to do it as a set of dance steps.
1. This happened.
2. The next step.
3. The nest step.
5. and so on
But with God (in my life, at least), it's more like this:
What a romantic image I found this to be... :)
If you know me well, you know I see God as the romantic type. :) He is the Lover of my soul. He, like no one else, like no other heart, has pursued me, my company, and intimacy with me, ever since I came into existence. He has loved, and continues to love, me through all my ugly moments, never giving up on me in the process. (He feels the same for you.)
Recently, I've started trying to define what romance is. Tim mentioned going out to dinner for our 21st anniversary but I don't consider sitting across the table from someone as we chew to be romantic. By all means, pack a picnic and let's go get lost in a bush somewhere - better yet, let's have an all out [fun] food fight, but, please don't ask me out to dinner, ya know???
A couple of days into thinking about romance and how to define it, I came up with the thought that romance should be a place - or perhaps an atmosphere we set for our partner, in which they can be their true self; where they can just be who they are, without criticism, without judgement, and safe. Here, one should find themselves accepted by their partner - faults and all - and encouraged to spread their wings to fly; we should be encouraged to be 'us', to express the best us through our own talents and so on. This, to me, is romance...Not a series of moments where one woos the other until either the wedding certificate is signed or the bed is unmade, so to speak.
Ok, so we could call that true love rather than romance, but, seriously, don't speak to me of romance if these other things aren't in your heart, ay. If wooing someone is only to meet your needs or make you happy or fill your agenda, then it's not romance as far as I'm concerned, it's ego - yours, not theirs. Especially if such 'wooing' stops once you've got the partner you were after...
I'm not talking to YOU personally, but you know what I mean. :)
These things I've labelled 'romance' I have found in God's heart. He loves and encourages and allows me to be me without judging or condemning or ridiculing me. I'm safe in His heart. I'm loved and wanted in His heart. (As we all are.) So, therefore, I consider Him a true romantic. :D Especially because He has used the full moon many times during my 22 years of walking with Him, to remind me of His love.
Anyway... I rejoice today over a greater awareness of God's love for me... Am I free of 'the dark night of the soul'? Who knows... but, either way, I'm still in God's hand and God's heart and He ain't going nowhere, no matter what...and that has me rejoicing.
You know, upon walking this path, I've expected to simply have God confirm, in my heart, that I am His child, and I am made in His image, and His image is love, therefore my identity is love, and other such things, but at the moment I'm starting to become aware that His love goes deeper; His love for me goes deeper; His love for you goes deeper. I am sensing that we are more than a reflection of love to Him, we are HIS LOVE. We are HIS GREATEST LOVE!!!
Imagine, if you will, standing there on your wedding day, and it's declared "I now pronounce you husband and wife", and, more than any other moment in your life, you know that you know that you know that you love your spouse; that this is YOUR spouse; that you would lay down your life for them; that you will never love anyone more. They mean more to you than anything and everything in the world. They are your love, and you are their's. You are ONE!!! Can you imagine loving and being loved liked that...? Well, I think I've imagined God's love being like that before, but I'm feeling it more these days. I feel it in the core of my being, and its calling me deeper. I feel like I've only just dipped my toe into the depths of such love... And I want it. I want God's love more than ever now... no matter how dark it may appear to get during such a journey.
I'm diving in. :)
PS. :) Before I go, just giving you a heads up on what I found in my heart today: "COMING SOON!" :) Which I rejoice over, for the urge to write is returning.
PPS. I think while on this particular journey, one must be stripped off all they find their identity and worth in, in order to see that these things are NOT what we need to find our worth and identity in: God is... :)
Ok, now I'm out of here...
See you soon. :) xxxxx