Either way, whatever it was, I was a little disappointed in finding anxiety inside me after swimming in peace all weekend. I couldn't believe it... But I figured now was a time to practice what I'd been shown. It was time to still my mind, still my heart, still myself, and remember that God is in me and I am in Him and every good thing I've found lately - peace, joy, love, confidence, etc - is still in me, because I am still in Him and He is still in me. None of that changed just because my mood did, so it was up to me to readjust my mood, with my thoughts.
I stood still for a moment, closed my eyes, thought of God and all the good He's shared with me of late, remembered what it was to feel utter peace, and just breathed, trusting all the good stuff would rise up in me again. And it did.
A little later, as I was driving to where I was running late for, I questioned God about the anxiety. Why did it come back like that...? And what He said made me not only laugh, but rejoice, as well. He said, "It's research." How great is that!!! :D
You see, I LOVE God revealing truth to me. I love it when He gives me revelation, or understanding over the who, what, where, why and whatevers of this life. I love it. I want to know this stuff and I want to write what he shows me. But it's like He said once before, when I whined, "God, why can't I just read a book and understand the truth in it; why do I have to live it?" His reply was, "You have to experience it to learn it..." And I do. I don't write anything in these pages I first haven't lived through. And I love to write about it. So, when He said, "It's research," oh, my...how the peace and joy returned.
Which reminds me of what's been coming before me a lot lately: Not everything 'negative' we are experiencing is of the devil or working to tear us down. Sometimes, we accept it as the enemy at work in our lives, or our sinful nature, or our worthlessness, or as something other than what it is. Sometimes it's just our ego wanting to be in control, wanting to be needed, or wanting to be wanted, or wanting something in which it can be deemed important. In this case, I was starting to believe the anxiety was a bad thing, yet, upon asking for understanding towards it - and that after I resisted it and trusted what God had placed inside me - His truth came to set me free. The anxiety wasn't a weight that could wear me down or stop me or destroy me or see me tossing out all God has shown me lately (unless I willed for that to happen in a moment of 'I give up!'), it was simply part of my calling: It was research.
I love that! :)
Anyway... I've more to write about, re 'love and anger' that He showed me this morning... I'll be back soon. :)
Love and peace to your soul. XXXX