"Who is Donna Keevers...?"
A few months back, God placed on my heart, "Who is Donna Keevers...?" meaning me, of course. :) I thought this very odd considering I was known publicly as Donna Driver - and had been for over 20 years - and, online I had been known as Donna D and Donna Keevers Driver for sometime. I wondered why He didn't ask who Donna Driver was, then briefly glanced at who I was prior to marriage but didn't care to dig too deeply and allowed the thought to pass.
A few days ago, I was talking with my hubby about my true identity and about the lies that can get in through the cracks of a broken heart, and such, when I likened myself to my dad, to which Tim (hubby) promptly stated, "You do that a lot: Compare yourself to your dad. But you're not him, and you don't have to be." This made a light go on inside me and we continued the conversation along that path... and pretty soon it hit me that I didn't have to be like my mother, either! This was a very freeing moment for me!
Please don't mishear that. It's not that I wouldn't want to be like my mum, for she was a beautiful soul - very generous, very giving, and had a servant heart. But I'd somehow got it into my head years ago (I now realise) that I could never be as good as her [as I saw her to be], therefore I would remain (as stated in previous blogs) as "Not good enough" and, because of this deeply-rooted belief, I never bothered to fulfill my own potential - or take on my own identity.
Suddenly, as God opened my eyes to this truth, enabling me to see that I don't have to be like 'this person' or 'that person' in order to be acceptable and/or somebody, I felt more at peace with being me. And the question, "Who is Donna Keevers?" came back to me...
As Tim and I walked on - on foot and in conversation - he flung an arm about my shoulders and, tugging me to his side, said, "I love ya..." and because we were in a somewhat jovial frame of mind by this stage, I spontaneously replied, "You do not; you just love the other half of you..." and as the words came out my mouth another light went on. I think this even had Tim sitting up and paying attention. :) I had gotten it into my head that he would never love me or accept me totally unless I became a reflection of him. But that was wrong thinking, too.
And through all this I realised that, over the years, I had somehow gotten it into my head that if I wasn't like 'him' or 'her' or the reflection of 'that person' and what I believed they wanted me to be, then I just was not good enough and never would be, and therefore never bothered to view my own potential and therefore never fulfilled it. Because of these wrong beliefs, I didn't become Donna Keevers... I gave up on her.
Now, however, with the Holy Spirit's gentle leading, I'm ready to stop giving up on "her"... :) I'm ready to stop giving up on me. I want to become me. I was born Donna Keevers and, no matter what changes and circumstances may come my way through life, I now want to be her... For well over 40 years I hated 'her' with a passion. I don't hate her anymore... I want to be true to me. And now I know, through God opening my eyes and then my heart, God wants that, too.
You see, God didn't create you to be someone's shadow, someone's puppet, someone's play thing, or someone else's 'whatever'. He created you to be you.
You may enter partnerships and relationships where you have to give and take, where compromises will have to be given, but that doesn't mean you have to delete your character, your heart, your mind, your strengths and so on, in order to become someone else's opinion of what they think you "should" be. (This includes church.)
God created YOU. He wants YOU - not a copy of someone else, or a false you that feels like they have to be someone they're not.
Rise up, be you, be free, accept yourself, and live, love and let go of the lies that have bound you... Remember the freedom Christ gives you. Remember the mercy and grace that is now yours... and, above all, remember that God loves YOU; God wants YOU...not a reflection of someone else.
This weekend is Easter. Come Easter Sunday I will celebrate my 48th Birthday, and, more importantly, the resurrection of Jesus Christ and all He accomplished on and through the cross. For me, because it's my "Birth"day, and because of the day it falls on, and because I love symbolism, I will envision myself walking out of the tomb with Jesus, and into the freedom He has granted me - that He offers to all of us - and I will do it without the shame of being Donna Keevers; I will do it with confidence, knowing that God loves and wants Donna Keevers, faults and all. :)
With all my heart, I pray you (if you need it) will open your heart to a greater acceptance of who you are and, come this Easter Sunday, will find the confidence to rise up and embrace the freedom, healing, love, mercy and grace God offers you - free of charge - through His precious Son...
All my love,
"Donna Keevers." ;) XXXXX