Studying gives me a headache...
Studying gives me a headache. Seriously. I think it's tension borne of frustration, with frustration being borne from me believing I'm not intelligent enough to do this - or anything else. If I didn't believe God had urged me to read the Bible and look for His hand as I read, and if I didn't know He was calling me back to a place of being open and vulnerable again, I would close my Bible, this website, and go back over to Facebook and have a game of 'Pool Live Pro' -- and probably grab a snack on the way.
I like easy. Studying, for me, is not easy! Especially the Old Testament. Oh! My! Gosh! Have you read that thing? It's not as easy to see God's love in the OT as it is in the NT, I tell ya...! (THANK GOD FOR JESUS, I SAY!) I read part of the OT and I want to hide under a rock. Forget hiding among the lovely trees in the pretty garden with Adam and Eve, pick up a boulder and drop it on me! Put me out of my misery. Please!
Seriously, if there wasn't an excitement deep down in my soul, telling me that God wants to talk to me while ushering forth hope and stirring to life passion for God and His truth, then I wouldn't bother with this. I mean, read the section on Cain and Abel (which is what I'm about to blog on, over in 'Looking for God's hand in Genesis'). Oh! My! Gosh! What??????
*My head hurts* (Somebody get me chocolate and a coffee... Oh, no, wait... I've given up both. :( Woe is me... Somebody feel sorry for me. ;) )
But I feel God. I feel Him in my soul; in my spirit; in my heart; with me. I feel His excitement. He wants to show me something. He wants to show me HIM. He wants me to take His hand. He wants me to trust Him with all of my heart. He wants us (He and I) as one, once more. How can I resist that, no matter how brain-dead I believe I am?
And that's the reason I share this with you: God wants to reveal Himself to those who want Him.
Someone reading this right now, senses God in their life. You feel His presence. You feel His hand on your heart, know His eyes are on you, and, if you dare to look, you'll see Him smiling - and all that with love in His eyes. But you won't reach out for Him...
I understand your apprehension, but I know you'll be safe with Him. And I know He has what you're looking for.
I see Him. In my heart, and through my heart's eye (so to speak), I see Him. I see the excitement in His heart, I see the joy on His face, I see the love in His eyes, and I see Him aiming all this at YOU.
Me, I want to get back under that rock and forget about looking for answers, fearing they won't be there if I do look...but His heart calls to mine, so I'll go. I will dare to go because I know He will be there with loving arms and great big heart. I pray you dare to go, too - but without me. :) Just you and Him; meeting with Him where His hand leads, and where you need to meet Him at; going to a place, in your heart, where you're safe, where He will answer those questions you've been holding back or turning away from. I pray you'll push through whatever wants to hold you back, then enjoy the healing, freedom, joy, peace and love awaiting you on the other side.