I'm a procrastinator. I'm not proud of that fact, but there it is... I'm a firm believer in "Put off until tomorrow what you can get away with not doing today..." I like comfort, and, with great ease, I can find any excuse to maintain it! I was sitting on my front step just now thinking about this pitiful truth, and thinking about a couple of things I've been putting off for far too long, and just when I aimed to focus on an excuse why I "can't" do it even though I want to, it came to me: "The answer is in the Knowing..."
Jump forward 30 minutes: I've been sitting here trying to write what I'm getting at in a simple statement so as not to keep you here too long, but, as it usually is with me and blogging, several hundred words later and I'm branching out in a hundred different directions. So, to make this as brief and as painless as possible, I'm gonna try something different:
Imagine if you will... in your left hand you hold something you KNOW you have to deal with, face and/or do. In your right hand, you are holding a zillion excuses, a trillion reasons, and a billion thoughts on 'why,' 'why, why, why do I have to,' and 'what if...?' and that because you don't really want to do what needs to be done; you don't want to let go; you don't want to step out; you don't want to move on...
The problem in not getting the job done (be it letting go of an old love, dealing with a wound that hit us deeply, finding a job, doing your homework, or whatever comes to mind for you right now) is we focus on the right hand too much. We focus on the excuses and the reasons as though the answer to our issues lives somewhere within. And I guess we often hold on to those things because we either want things to stay as they are, or we're hoping things will go back to how they once were. But, in our heart, we KNOW something has to change - and, chances are, it's us... And the answer to what we need to do is not in the right hand, it is in the left one; it's not in the excuses, it's in the knowing what needs to be done no matter what.
If we're honest with ourselves, we KNOW what needs to be done.
Our freedom, the peace beyond the problem, the sense of achievement, the new and better result, lays in the left hand, and the left hand knows what needs to be done, no argument entertained. The left hand will tell you, "For the sake of your own sanity, do this..." "In order to solve this issue and move on, do that..." The ability to 'do' lays in the knowing what needs to be done. Until we truly take hold of that which sits in our left hand, we'll never move on, we'll never achieve, we'll never find the freedom Jesus longs for us to take hold of.
For example: My left hand (so to speak :) ) is telling me, "You need to remove yourself from a lot of online activities..." but my right hand says, "but... but... but..." My right hand is swayed by emotion, by wanting, by desire, and by habit. My left hand is using "knowing" and is not swayed one little bit; It's quite stubborn, but patient with it.
When my spirit picked up God's whisper of "The answer is in the Knowing," I immediately knew that there was freedom in the doing not the procrastinating. There is freedom in doing what I KNOW I need to do, even if it hurts. I knew that in that freedom, in accomplishing what needed to be done, no matter what I have to give up, no matter what comfort I have to let go of, no matter what heartache may (or may not) come, there will be greater peace, joy and even a greater sense of self-worth and dignity awaiting me... whereas, in the excuses, there's more of what I've already got: Whinging, whining, mourning, self-pity, guilt, shame, and all things that keep one's heart and soul imprisoned to misery.
Not that I'm miserable, mind. I have a good life, but there are certain areas in my life that need dealing with, that I do procrastinate over. I KNOW I need to spend less time online, no matter what excuses I allow myself, no matter what habit demands of me.
I know spending less time online will not only free me to finish the novel I'm working on, but will also give me that time I need to exercise - two things that will produce something far greater than procrastinating ever could.
I can tell myself all the reasons and excuses under the sun why I can't 'do', but I know that I know that I know that that which I hold in my left hand is the answer to the problems that plague my heart and mind. I sit here whining about the aches and pains, and I really want my novel written, but excessive internet activities are working against me, and I know it. I pray to God in the midst of my whining and my excuses about not accomplishing, and now He's given me the answer I need...
The answer to "What should I do?" is in doing what I know needs to be done - not in the excuses I play with. I just have to embrace what I know is right, then act accordingly.