And it is the heart I wish to speak about.
Actually, I need to join a few revelations together as they knit together in my heart this morning, so, here goes...
When I was in a women's meeting once, my daughter, Amanda, rose up out of her chair and moved across the room. When she did this, it felt as though my heart followed after her. I asked God what that reaction was all about and He replied, "She is your heart."
He then went on to impress upon my heart that as it is with Amanda, all my children are my heart. And as it is with me and my children, it is with God and His. Meaning, YOU are His heart. When you move, He moves. When you hurt, He hurts. He feels what you feel. When something strikes you and/or your heart, it strikes His heart. When you are grieved, He is grieved. And so on...
Through opening my eyes to these things, God impressed upon my heart that each child possesses their own peace of my heart. They are my heart, but, at the same time, all my children, as individuals, are 'my heart', and not one child can take the place of the other. Anyone who has more than one child will understand this. They are fully loved, fully locked in my heart, and none will lose their place, no matter what.
God went on to teach me that when a child is missing from His heart, there is a hole in His heart - like that of a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. And no one but 'you' can fill it. It is the same with my children. Kathleen can't fill Amanda's place, just as Amanda can't fill Kathleen's, and so on, even though, on their own, they are my heart...and so it is with God.
Beyond this, God showed me that when we are in a close relationship with someone, we will move to 'their' piece of our heart - the piece of our heart that belongs to them and them alone. Before you met them, that part of your heart was probably never touched, unless the Holy Spirit gave you access to 'someone you will meet one day'. While they're around, and your heart is open to them, you focus a lot on that section of your heart. In time, if they move on, you learn to close it, or put a veil over their section, and move on to other parts of your heart. Which is not a bad thing, as it enables you to function in this world again, without them. They come back, you may open that part of your heart again, and the emotions are still there. However, if you no longer trust them, you will eventually close up that section of your heart by refocusing on someone else. And so on. But still, no one else can take that part of your heart. You may not wish to function from there again, but it still belongs to them and them alone. As it is with God's heart. No one can take 'your' place in God's heart, even if you don't believe in Him, and even if you despise Him.
That's one thing on my mind this morning.
Another is the revelation that God gave me, which went like this: "Donna, everyone is allowed to react however they want, but you bring your every emotion to Me." I tried that once or twice and then whined, "Go-od, it's not working!" To which God replied, "Bring the emotion to Me before you own it with your heart." Much easier to do, though I'm not always quick enough, or just in the mood to run with the emotion and all its negativity and suffer the consequences of my mood later on.
Another thing God impressed upon my heart in the early days of my walk with Him, which is on my heart again now, is, "Accept; Don't expect."
Ok, so, now, joining the two together this morning, God impresses the following upon my heart: When we function from 'their' part of our heart, it is us who must seek to give love. It's not about looking for love. We are not to have them fill that part of our heart, or any need that has arisen from it - they already own that part of our heart. But when we find emotions and feelings and reactions that are ours, rising up from that part of our heart and 'that person', we are not to lay our needs on them. They are not responsible for our reactions and emotions and feelings and needs and so on. We must take these things to God, and continue to love them as He loved us. God fills us with love, then we pass that love on. We are not to have this 'well' filled by man then go back to God all happy like. It must be the other way around.
A huge challenge, I know. And one I doubt can be done without the Holy Spirit. So, here I am, with my heart being placed in God's hands, knowing this is what He wants me to do, no matter what dark cloud may be trying to consume me, and I'm saying, "Father, into Your hands I commit my spirit. Here is my heart, take it. Deal with it. Help it. Help me. And grant me Your Spirit so I may love 'them' no matter what, just as You have loved me. Thank You... :) Thank You. Thank You!!!" :)