Dear Girl in a Box,
I hope you don't mind me writing to you like this, but I felt you needed to know "I see you..."
I see you curled up in that box, in the dark, hugging your knees to yourself, wanting to be seen, wanting to be held, wanting to be known, accepted and loved... yet, you dare not step out of the box. You dare not step out of the darkness, because you fear the reactions of others. You fear being touched and seen because you believe, in doing so, all you'll receive is rejection and ridicule.
I was once like you. From a very young age I adopted a fear of rejection and ridicule. I hid in my own box. I feared being seen, yet, I wanted someone to see the real me. And I feared being seen because I earnestly believed that everyone would deem me as worthless, as ugly, as unacceptable, and as unlovable as I saw myself.
I wish you could see that the mirrors lining the walls of your little box are distorted.
Each one reflects an image back to you that is not the real you; a false image of 'self.'
Have you seen the distorted mirrors at fun parks, that alter your shape? The mirrors in your box are formed the same. You've looked upon them so long that you've come to believe that is what you look like. But you don't...
I was walking along a beach with my husband one day, trying to figure out how I could explain something to him, when God had me view the scenery about me: It was winter, but it felt more like spring. The sky was clear, the breeze was calm, the dancing waves were inviting and the sand dunes sparkled. As I looked, God impressed upon my heart, "How can you explain this scene to someone who has never been to the beach?" And He wasn't asking me how to find a way to describe a beach, but pointing out that someone who had never seen it for themselves, not even in photographs, could not begin to imagine the world you'd be trying to describe. It would be so foreign to them.
As I meditated upon this, I was then given the image of someone in a box, huddled up in the dark, scared, alone, with nothing but fear and distorted images to keep them company. They wanted out of the box, but fear kept them locked in there.
The scene, standing before my heart's eye, altered slightly, when I imagined opening the box. The person within rushed to close the box again. They feared what was out there. Even though they were scared, alone and in the dark, and hurting, they remained there because that's what they knew. As bad as it was in there for them, they remained with what felt, and was, familiar. They feared the world beyond, so they stayed where they were. They feared the unknown, so they dare not step out into it, believing the distorted image that told them they were safer in the box.
My dear friend, as I said, I have been where you are now. I lived in that box for many years - ever since I was a little girl. It was only through trusting God that I was able to walk out of that box - and smash the mirrors. Sometimes I find myself going back to that spot, searching for a fragment of the mirrors, and I once again start to view myself as the mirrors did... but God's love, along with time and experience that He allowed into my world, has taught me that focusing on what I once was - or believed I once was - takes my eyes off the beauty and life beyond the box.
Unfortunately, I can't get you out of that box. I would really love to. God knows I'd like to rip the box apart and smash those lying mirrors... but I don't have the power to. Your will is far stronger than you think it is, and, at the moment, it is the warden of your soul. Fear is guiding your will, and your will won't allow you out. No one can help you out until you really want to get out. I know - I really did live there for a very long time. And, for me, it was God and His pursuing, gentle love that dared me to want to get out. I had to learn to trust Him, to accept His love, to take His hand, and to dare to follow Him into the light. I had to say, "God, I do want out. I do want freedom. But I'm afraid... Here is my heart. Here are my fears. Hear are my emotions... Please help..." And He did.
It's beautiful on the outside of the box... The light, the joy, the freedom, the knowing that even if distorted mirrors are placed before me again God will deal with them, and the peace that comes with all that, is worth going against the fear. I so wish you'd join me here...
I hope to see you soon...
All my love,