Tonight, while walking in the security of greater faith, and dressed in the joy and peace that comes with it, the celebrations in my heart stopped suddenly - but not for negative reasons, but because my eyes were open to something that has left me in awe. Instead of jumping around celebrating with joy at the moment, I am so overwhelmed with awe that I can barely move. I am that aware of how blessed I truly am. I feel like I've gone from being engaged to "You may now kiss the bride!" and that with the most amazing being ever to exist.
We were at a Bible study group tonight, and one of the topics that arose led me to share how I had cried out to God in the depths of depression, at the age of 26, when I no longer wanted to live in a world without love. On sharing this, it hit me out of the blue just how far God has brought me; just how much He has turned my life around.
I went from being ready to commit suicide because of the love I couldn't find in this world, to rejoicing over the life I have because of the love that is in it. God heard my prayer and answered it. All I wanted was love, and now, because of Jesus, because of God, my cup is full to overflowing with it.
I can't express enough how far apart these two seasons of my life are. I cannot express how grateful I am that God, in and with His beautiful heart, moved heaven and earth to convince me that I am loved and wanted, then moved to fill my heart to overflowing with so much love I desire to pass it on, to pass His love on, to others. I cannot totally express how awestruck I am in seeing this woman (me) go from having no real love in her life to being one who is now sent to the world to declare how much they (you) are loved by God. It blows my mind.
I am in awe... God has truly turned my mourning into dancing...
Wow, God... THANK YOU!!!!