So this is what confidence feels like...!
Since the last post, several days ago, I've attempted to write a couple of blogs here, one of which was almost posted twice - and would have been had I not been called away form home both times. But none of them felt right in the end and they no longer have a place here. And now I'm glad, for, upon looking back, I can see they were written with a heart slightly harder than the one I carry now. :)
My first blog for this section of my website was posted on March the 10th, 2013. Here it is the 7th of May, 2013, and I can tell you the trip is worth it.
Today I sat in 'my own skin' - and that as I looked out of the window of that train in the above photo - and realised, "So this is what it feels like to have confidence." And what a glorious sensation that was.
Upon registering this, I recalled how in my growing years I came to believe that confidence was virtually a dirty word. I can remember how, every time I started to take in confidence, while growing up, someone would be there to knock me back down. But now I know confidence and ego are not the same thing - or, should I say, confidence and vanity are not the same thing. Vanity often overvalues itself, puffs up and defends ego without love for another; whereas confidence can take on a reserved humility, allowing love to embrace, rather than needing ego to defend. But this I found in God, not in me. This is His gift to me - to all of us, if we care to find it in Him. And with it there is greater peace, freedom, joy, hope, intimacy with Him, and more. Ego does not allow that. Ego does not allow God to rule. Rather, confidence in Him - which comes from knowing Him, gives one confidence to not put so much faith in one's own ego, ability or circumstances, and that brings such great peace and a knowing that 'while I may not be competent enough, God is'. My, how easier it is to breathe in such a place.
There are several things that have taken root in my heart this past week, which God Himself planted. And there are several burdens He has taken off me, which I have carried for most of my life. But I will talk about them in upcoming blogs. Right now I just want to honour God by passing on to you the fact that God IS good, that He can be trusted in all areas of our hearts and lives - even in the darkest moments!! - that He is with us and in us, and will never give up on us, and that this journey of finding our true identity in Him, in His heart, is soooooo worth it - even when it doesn't feel as though it is. It is!! :)
I would also like to share here that I have observed firsthand this past week or so that the closer you walk to God the easier it is for Him to remove your burdens. I carried the fear of man, and other such things, for well over 40 years (I am now 48), and in the past couple of months, simply by seeking Him for my life, rather than seeking man, my soul has found rest. I have peace in my soul. :)
There is so much more I need to share, but not only does time not really allow me to right now, I hate long blogs. :) So I'll be back asap... Until then, turn your eyes to God; seek His heart...but remember, if you've asked Jesus to be the Lord and Saviour of your life, then God is IN YOU, not 'somewhere out there...' He IS with you. And, oh, when you become more aware of that, a greater peace will certainly rise up on you. *sigh* :)
When I return, I wish to share my recent experiences with:
* God IN us...
* Burdens slipping from my shoulders...
* Greater internal peace, no matter where I'm at...
* The divorce I almost welcomed into my home - last week...
* The 'dark night of the soul'... and why you shouldn't fear it; it's not what you may think.
* Focusing on the external rather than the internal...and what a mistake that is.
* It's not so much who I am, but who He is... *sigh*
* Life is a Journey - enjoy it...
and whatever else God places on my heart...
Until then, seek our beloved's Father heart, ask Him to reveal the part of His heart that belongs to you, get to know Him better, enjoy His company... and I will see you soon.
Much love, and great respect,